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Sometimes opportunity doesn’t just knock, sometimes you come home to find it laying on the rug in front of the fireplace wearing negligee. That happened to me when I went into Hobby Lobby to browse curtain fabric, but being the the sort of person who enjoys christmas music in July, I took the long way to the fabric department through the holiday decorations. I wasn’t even three steps from the door when I knew, KNEW, I had a gold mind of blogging mockery on silver platter. For your all your decorating needs I give you, in holiday order, 8 weird things you can buy right now at Hobby Lobby for the holiday’s.

1. Metallic Sprinkles.

These are available quite a few places, but they still make the list because nothing says “I love you” like the reminder that your mom could kill you off with heavy metal poisoning and you’d never see it coming.

2. Decorative Halloween Candelabra.

The sticker on the bottom says “Made in China”, but I think we all know they stole it from a Hot Topic.

3. Giant Corn.

This was the first thing I saw as I walked in the door. They want 19 dollars for this and as far as I know they don’t even sell a beaded wicker basket big enough to hold this sucker. It’s as big as a baby…I said a baaaaaaby, get it? Baby corn? Ha.

4. Synthetic Squirrel Tail.

I’m not eating at anyone’s house who has a horn of plenty containing these. Harvest Craft indeed.

5. Electric Blue leopard Ornaments.

Brought to you with complimentary duck face. Opener: Jersey Shore, something blah blah – Punch Line: SNOOKI!!!

6. Neon Glitter Decorations.

I know tween girls are a huge market for H.L. Mothers passing on obsessions to daughters is how they stay in business, but I refuse to put anything in my house that looks like a unicorn may have farted on it.

7. Cthulhu Santa.

I use to think I was the only one who drew parallels between the greedy, mob inducing quality’s that a mall Santa has on children and the Elder god from H.P. Lovecraft’s, “The Call of Cthulhu”- the mere sight of whom could cause madness. No more am I alone though, the yarn tentacles here obviously pay subtle tribute to the Lord of  R’lyeh

8. Glitter Balls.

The packaging recommends pouring these into a decorative vase or bowl. Personally I think that if you are going to insist on buying glittery dirt colored christmas decorations then get outside the box already. I would toss these baby’s into the snow under the mechanical reindeer. Holiday cheer and realism all in one blow!

Also available in “constipated.”

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2 Comments

  1. Not at all as far as I'm concerned. It drives me a little crazy too, I try not to frequent it, but it's like the walmart of craft stores, sometimes you can't avoid it to get what you want at the price you want it at. =p

  2. Is it wrong that I despise hobby lobby?


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  1. […] gift card *squeee!*) perfectly content to go in, buy things, and leave without feeling the need to blog again about the strangeness of the good old H to the L when Hobby Lobby literally made that […]

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