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I had a funny thought today whilst in the middle of my late morning routine of drinking coffee and scrolling through my facebook home page.

This is a late morning routine because the time before that is filled with mom things like getting breakfast for my kid then convincing him to eat said breakfast even though what he really wants is candy. Roughly 8 seconds later comes cleaning up the mess left over from the way 4-year-old boys tend to inhale every meal followed by all sorts of cleaning, laundering, bed making and whatever other ‘ings’ need to be tended to.

Facebook, funny – right, I read a friend’s status, which was actually not ment to be funny but I, and the person who commented right before me both made the same reading typo if you will. This friends status was not misspelled or grammatically flawed, something about the structure just caused us to both think he was having a hard time showering (I’m leaving the original status out of this for privacy’s sake, but leave it that showering had absolutely nothing to do with what was happening whatsoever.)

The idea struck me that a blog which detailed only an individual’s trials and triumphs of learning how a shower works would be pretty hilarious…and possibly even become one of those shows that FOX takes on then cancels midseason because obviously you’re only going to get a few weeks of good material out of it before fart jokes take center stage (which anyone who has actually farted in the shower especially after a hefty, spicy meal can tell you is less a joke and more a pure fight for life-giving oxygen while you are slowly and maliciously choked to death by your own miasma of poor food choices.)

I would call him Test Tube Lou, the science grown test tube baby now a naive adult let loose into the world after program funding was cut. Smart enough to have invented the internet, dumb enough to be incapable of surviving reality on his own, he turns to the internet as a diary and learning tool for pretty much everything. We meet him 45 minutes after his first attempt at showering, hijinks ensue.

“Dear Diary, Hour 1 of my freedom has resulted in my temporary death. After consulting the life manual given to me by the Professor when he sent me away I concluded my need for bathing in the absence of my formally sterile environment. I seemed to have grasped the mechanics of operating the shower and its curtain, but some finesse is needed as I aspirated a significant amount of water and passing out, would have drowned in the tub, which I plugged to prevent the water from escaping. In retrospect this was foolish, but at the time seemed logical. Had it not been for the off duty EMT returning home next door to his apartment next to mine who heard my fall and unconscious gurgles in my automatic nervous systems struggle for life I would have surely died.”

Raving success would be taken advantage of with products like Test Tube Lou Shower Caps, and pdf download of the Professor’s Life Manual, complete with his hand written note “I’m sorry, I’m just so, so terribly sorry. Please don’t die.”

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2 Comments

  1. You’re mind is one of the coolest and most bizarre things I have ever witnessed! Not to mention, your craft in writing is enough to make me glow green. As soon as I’m done with the first draft I’m working on (and it will be before this weekend), I’m going to start in on your book!

    • lol, Thanks! I was thinking of you the other day about your writing too, I have some links I need to send you!


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