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The beginnings of Charcoal god-Cat were cruel and fluffy. Cruel because she was an orphaned kitten that no one wanted. Fluffy because that is the name of the god-Cat that ruled the kingdom of House, where Charcoal took shelter after her dismal wanderings.

Not all rise to the top quickly, and though she longed for the upper realms of sunny windows where the kingdom of House was filled with willing slave folk bending to Fluffy god-cat’s every whim; Charcoal demigod-cat was relegated by Fluffy god-cat to the lower realm, of Basement. Charcoal only ventured forth to the upper realms during the cover of night, roaming from sleeping chamber to sleeping chamber watching over the slave folk while they slept.

Years tolled, and Charcoal proved herself a lenient, beautiful and cuddly demigod-cat, who’s occasion tricks and pranks of batting eye glasses under beds, and turning off alarm clocks were over looked willingly because she was the demigod-cat of midnight cuddles and never failed to visit the sick and broken hearted, bestowing soft kitty footed back rubs and loving face washes to the downhearted.

Eventually the youth and vigor of Fluffy god-cat wained, and in her age she became cruel, so cruel that Father, the slave folk king of House, rose up in rebellion and deposed of Fluffy god-cat. It should have been a time of ascension of Charcoal to the god-cat of the upper realm, but the King, in his victory over the elder god Fluffy, was mad with power, and through the magic of Door-requiring-thumbs-to-open over threw the new god-cat’s rise to power.

Eventual god-cat was forced to abandon the kingdom of House, in the land of South Dakota and travel to the south, where in the land of Ohio, she searched out the refuge slave folk of her old country and established herself in a battle of shrieks and blood over the local god-cat and enforced her lordship with much growling and well timed boxing. So masterful was her growl and boxing that even out weaponized the battle was short and her kingdom ensured.

She reigns with a gentle paw, living in harmony with those she threw down to gain her place and returning to her bountiful nature of companionship and tidy blessed face bathing of the down hearted.

In fact, her slave folk love her so much, they give her anything she wants, and they give it in abundance, and so it confuses them to no end when they find half digested cicada filled hair balls on the rug.

Why god-cat? Why? What have we done to displease you? Please, please oh for the love of all that is bacon-y and good WHY ARE YOU LEAVING GIANT BUG FILLED HAIR BALLS ON THE FLOOR OF MY HOUSE? I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP!


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